Busker
Journal
Brian Robert Pearce
The journal exists, at present, as approx. 750,000 hand written words formatted in about 55 segments
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| Some of my sites: www.buskerbrian.com Homepage Leddrain Contact me Music and lyrics Other buskers Universe Theories Philosophy Blog (Blogspot) Blog (Tripod) Family Photos Genealogy COMPLETE ONLINE JOURNAL SEGMENTS: Lone Wolf Green Busker Tortoise & Hare New Clear Winter Monster in NY Things we must do The online Labyrinth Busker Journal consists of hundreds of pages ranging from busking to a wide variety of topics and articles. If you have a clear idea of what you are looking for, then use the search box (above) to find it. I hope you enjoy the experience of the Labyrinth Busker Journal |
After
the Labyrinth - An introduction to the Busker Diary After the labyrinth This journal takes you onto the streets of Europe. It introduces you to people dismissed by society as its dregs. It introduces you to a nobility within these dregs that surpasses society. I can not explain this journal. 750,000 words. 55 segments that would take me a couple of hours to read per segment [approx.] It covers an astonishing ammount of ground in plot and searching. To read it in its entirety is to be changed on all levels until a complete new overview of life is there to be had. It is descent into the madness of Rimbaud until all senses are deranged. It is to emerge understanding only parts of it, yet seeing the whole as a re-assurance of our immortality. Labyrinth Cataclysm Driven by despair, after the death of my parents, the loss of my job and the collapse of my marriage, I surrendered all and plunged myself, guitar on back, into a one way journey to Belgium. To survive, or not survive. I didn't care. Into the Labyrinth, with a torrent of inner grief at missing the joy of seeing my daughter grow. It was all a bit like joining the French Foreign Legion. To forget - and with the half expectancy to die. The will to live had gone. The journal begins one and a half years on. It concentrates on my life as a busker and a songwriter, but the social observations and experiences fire my creativity...building curiosity about ever widening avenues of questions. Isolating Soul It is an attempt to make a neutral study of the soul.... to isolate it and recognise its actions, or non-action. By analysing the four categories of psyche---mind,body,heart,soul----within situations I encounter---- the journal came to remarkable new ways of assessing relationships and the activity level of the psyche represented by soul. When my neutrality becomes compromised this can also be read as an inadvertent study. If the journal is read in this light, reams of additional observation can be made. The journal obeys one philosophy----move forward. It is this that lends it strength because my writing style, outlook and personality are constantly in flux. Know Thyself? The final analysis of this epic personal self-discovery is that to 'know thyself' is impossible, given the short span of life mortality lends us.... because to look inside any individual is to discover ever more smaller and complicated facets of thought. To best highlight this I suggest you say one word to someone and then try to remember every thought that invaded your mind, on upper and inner levels, during the utterance of that one word. Imagine how much information your body needs to be able to lift one finger, or to draw one breath. Add this to the instinctual assessment of the person you spoke to... plus awareness of others around you and the the flora, fauna and physical world surrounding you. What part did the soul play? If any....? Labyrinth Judgement In essence, I am saying that to explain one moment of a person's life could take an entire book to complete. It would be boring... unless that secret, seemingly irrational element within us... the soul... is aroused by that moment. In the journal there is a constant stream of moments where my soul is aroused by the moment. There is a constant stream of moments where the souls of others are aroused. To finish, here is a question:- Is life [A]...a search for answers? Or [B]... a search for questions? Online Magazine I would like to say welcome and thank you to visitors of this site.I have completed other sites and I urge you to view them by clicking on the links page of this site. Take the journey through the Labyrinth with me. In effect, the journal is that - journalistic. It can be treated as a magazine/newspaper - with articles of variable subject matter. I rely on you to feedback on what journal substance most appeals. Otherwise I must just follow my nose through the masses of journal material and hope you like the result. Whether you want a long story (entire book from journal), short story (selected entries),articles,lyrics or want to hear some of my 'on the road' recordings of my music: go to the Links section - choose - enjoy... About Brian Brian busked the streets and bars of Europe between the years 1994 and 2000. In addition he busked in New York while participating in the TIGHTROPE musical, a play written by Ken Post [ with Bonnie Burns]. The journal exists, at present, as approx. 750,000 hand written words formatted in about 55 segments (five segments are now online)- or as audio read out with musical background [for mood] on audio cassettes, using a Sony cassette-corder TCM-939. Rough, but on the road 'live' feel about it. The journal is potentially commercial, but it awaits presentation clues etc... How did Brian become the distracted Hare racing against the Tortoise? What was born from the death of Lone Wolf? What was the monster that rampaged amongst the inner cities of Brian? What propelled Brian into the Labyrinth in '95? In what way did Brian become Merlin aiding Prince Arthur to extract a sword from a stone? What was the Green Busker looking for? And why? What resulted from Brian using himself as a 'muse'? Why not find out? Top Supermarket Spree - Are we nothing more than organic computers? Why Suffer? 23/03/1996 [A Busker's Journal- extract]. Freeda had trouble understanding the complexities of my 'family' situation. "Why do you let yourself get hurt emotionally?" she asked. I replied, "It is important that I truly feel the beauty and the pain. Not create a shield to deflect it. We all seem to become expert on shielding our emotions. I'm not sure it makes us inwardly richer. It depends a great deal on how you view your life,"......I can imagine people having a full, active life---gaining many possessions and luxuries---but thinking at the end, "I've had a good life, but what's missing?" Organic Computers If we are organic computers with no soul then we have no real cause to concern ourselves greatly with anything except our own gratification. If we are born only to die into oblivion...well...life, itself, is worthless..of no value whatsoever.----A bit like someone being told they have five minutes to fill a supermarket trolley with whatever goods they can get into it. This someone [let's call him Jack] has been assured by the store manager that anything he places within the trolley will be without the charge of a single penny. A true bargain! So Jack races around, placing all the things he would like and things that are expensive [therefore valuable] into his trolley.-----Until he can look at his hoard and smile at the wealth he has attained. Jack Got It All Five minutes are up and Jack trundles all of his wonderful new possessions to the checkout, where the store manager is waiting to greet him....."Well done!" salutes the manager, " You have had a brilliant five minutes and you have accumulated all of these things."......"It was nothing," replied Jack modestly, because it really seemed like something. The manager...smiling all the while...continued," You have all this wealth in the trolley. As promised, you do not have to pay us one single penny."....Knowing this, Jack beamed proudly....."However--" said the store manager, while producing a gun and pointing it at Jack....The expression on Jack's face has time to change from triumph to one of pure horror as the manager fires the gun. Store Restore Pain, astonishment...and then the oblivion of death.----The store manager turns to his assistants, "You may put all of the goods back now. It appears Jack will no longer need them." But if we are souls inhabiting organic computers? ...The whole perspective changes. In such a case we become interacting souls. It is our soul that has the true need. The organic computer will be tuned to its own instinctive and pressing needs...but these will act as a distortion of soul purpose. An organic computer needs food and drink, but food and drink are not important to the basic needs of the soul. A soul would survive the death of the organic computer......The soul seems to feed on emotion--on the situation where temptation, survival and struggle can create, through all adversity,true love. Love By-Products Will the soul surrender to negativity? Will it become resentful, bitter, indifferent, or whatever else, through life experience?......The victory of love is a glorious thing on a world where our organic computer can deny the wishes of its soul. On a world where fear is the most common motivating factor....Let's equate religion with this...Go, Cranky Brian... Most religions would say, "There is only one God." ..But how many actually claim an entity called the 'Devil', as in Christian dogma?--------Why don't we try this analogy:- GOD IS LOVE--DEVIL IS FEAR--the two major emotional forces.....Now, take it this way:- THERE IS ONLY ONE EMOTION---- That emotion is Love.-- Fear is the distorting factor that creates ALL of the by-product sub-emotions of love:- hate,resentment, envy etc. Conflicting Conflict Jack slaps John on the cheek. John offers the other cheek, saying, by such an action, that his body is not the important facet of what he truly is. The soul is the true facet. He would not slap Jack back. If Jack had the same view on things as John then neither would, at any time, deliberately hurt each other.-----But how, then,could they resolve differences? ....With intelligence? Why else do we have reasoning minds? Yet my personal observation of soul purpose is that it does not frown on conflict. It thrives on it. Conflict is a way of working through inner questions....But it should be conflict toward resolution, not malice. Physical force or violence does not deal with problems. Oliver Cromwell, the Ottoman conquest of the Balkans,the persecution of Jews by long gone Christian or Muslim states, have all created modern hotspots where the hatred of communities leaves the outside modern world baffled. Motives Mental manipulation equally does not deal with problems--for the same reasons as just given--especially if the motive is self gratification.The bitter feud and oppressions between employer and union last century in the UK demonstrated that. Don't think that's over..it's not.----Only a true understanding of your own motives AND a pragmatic understanding of the motives of the other person will produce a fair resolution to any difference of opinion. Top Bern Demonstration - this entry shifts subject matter deftly to show the diversity of events and thoughts that make the journal compelling. Farmers Demo in Bern(Oct,1996) Today doesn't look the most promising of days. A demonstration in Bern centre, and persistent mist.But maybe it will come good.-----'Neue Bauern Ko-ordination - Scheiwz'. Placards condemning policy or actions concerning meat imports, BSE and milk. The Bundeshaus is barricaded and the police use tear gas to dispell the demonstrators, who appear to provoke this by throwing apples back. The Migros toilet collects a residue of this gas...enough to water your eyes. Another store in a shopping arcade seems to have got the full tear gas itself inside, as people put clothing over their face.//// On the street big cowbells are everywhere. The biggest horror of all, at least to the Swiss, is the blockage of the tram/bus route through the main drag. Public transport not running on time?///// The distant angst of sirens - a common sound in most capitals, but less frequent here. A blank cloud cover continues to block the sun..and for work [busking], it looks bleak. Stupid Brian I could try Fribourg or Solothurn, but it would be street pitch stuff. No guarantee it would pay off.///I stood for awhile in the Barenplatz viewing the centre of the demonstration. Up shot the tear gas grenades toward me...and people moved away...while I stood there..until the acrid gas reached my lungs and stung my eyes. I was thinking how stupid it is to stand with your guitar on your back in such a place. If the crowd panicked my guitar could get damaged in the crush. My voice may get impaired by the tear gas irritants. Sometimes, my curiosity makes me a very stupid 'Brian'.----The Munster park is almost deserted, as I sit here, and the cool warning of Winter is in the air. The manager of the now severely reduced Munster terrace looks outside, but no one will sit there unless the sun breaks through....Like me, he hopes it will...It looks less likely. Daisy The mist is strong in the Aare valley and the cool air will not heat quickly. The Munster organ plays behind the thick historic walls of its home.----- It can be hoped, I suppose, that this demonstration may finish early, so the farmers can go home to milk 'Daisy'..or chop her up for the meat market. Poor 'Daisy' has no control of her life. She is just there to be used. The only tears she inspires in her users are the ones induced by tear gas. Her only asset is that she can make money..by being herself. Her only problem is she doesn't know or understand the idea or concept of money.---- Is this right or wrong? For all her life she can eat, sleep, have calves and have little expected from her. Except to deliver milk..and, in the ultimate of sacrifice, to give her organic body, against her will, to other organic bodies at the appointed moment of her life. Dodgy Pen Nothing organic lasts for ever. It is not intended so. The young seek to reach as old an age as they can, but eventually they become too old and pass away..with the new young all that is left to this world, until the same situation is reached. A life of any creature on this world is merely a brief excursion.---- It is almost four [pm]. My mind is as sleepy as the weather and this damned pen...let's see if it works now..I don't think..it will,but....then...... I've had to lend one.---I pitched up by the Zytglogge bus stop and did a meandering medley of soft second fret songs. It seemed to click..money was coming in fast.--With my eyes closed I was singing 'Bright Blue Rose'-- I chanced to open my eyes.. and saw Clio standing,staring at me. I stopped the song and went to her. I guess when I give my love I tend to give it all the way. It was a Wednesday - her half day. I was assuming she'd be at work. Prague Booked She asked if I wanted to go to her place. Silly question, really!--- Her meeting with her father had not been wonderful..from her expression.. and she found it hard to go too deeply into it. Except that he was two hours late.----But what cheered her up was having the tickets all bought. The schedule is 08.30, Saturday, we board a train in Bern that will travel direct to Prague, arriving eight pm. Relieved that was settled it was a bonus to have a hug with Clio for awhile. 24/10/96- Not having a pen in the Manora last night I became frustrated, because I could not finish what I wanted to write. I felt equally tired and weary - not feeling much up to playing bars. But I went to Les Amis to see whether I could play there. To me, it seemed a perfect time.. but to these self-important waiters that infest Bern it was not the right time and too busy. But this one said," You can play upstairs in the bar if you like."...I dismissed that, "No! I'm in the mood for restaurants tonight!" Right Times Maybe a musician refusing to take up an offer to play will remind them they are not as important as they think. In addition, if there was a vocal fan of my music in amongst the clientele, the waiter would probably be asked by him/her why the musician, whom they like, did not play. The waiter? "Um..not the right time..and,um...too many people."----If I was one of the clientele I would be outwardly annoyed, and I'd probably say," I would tip you, but I wanted live music, and you turned it away." I walked down the street, seeing one or two promising places, but all too quiet. My mood was falling into deeper depression. It was a cold night - I wanted a shower. I didn't feel 'good' about myself in respect of playing bars/restaurants. You need to show an air of personal confidence and pride. When you feel a bit bedraggled it is harder to do this. Inwardly, anxiety about the imminence of Prague, about my emotional vulnerability to Clio, about my inability to see Rachel, about the pressure to earn money..about my feelings of tiredness and exhaustion from the aftermath of the past few days. That familiar stress around the diaphragm! I didn't want to be alone! ..I wanted to be with Clio! Kiss or Bite I returned to the Hostel, and phoned Clio. It was almost ten pm....Getting late..I almost couldn't make the call, because I would be asking her for a favour - for her emotional comfort, I couldn't be sure she would want to give this...But she agreed I could come to her -and I made my way there..blurting out the inexplainable once I was there. I had a shower and that helped me feel better. I was pleased she understood that I was trying to explain to her about things inside me that were inexplainable. That being on my own increased the anxiety. Just a short period of lying in her arms dissipated this anxiety. Because it could simply be 'Orpheus' losing his grip on me. This is the problem of my present persona 'Orpheus'. Orpheus talks extensively about love, but doesn't ultimately trust it with himself...Now I see I am relinquishing emotional control. In one of our games Clio growls and attacks my throat with a kiss instead of a bite. I lay submissive to the intention of the growl, knowing the growl may lead to a bite one day instead of a kiss. To relinquish Orpheus is to take this action on an emotion level. To truly, submissively, open your heart to a kiss or a bite. Top Cuppalove - What is a Soul Search? Soul Search Is... 21/09/98 ( Bern) It seems to me that those who sought greater enlightenment for the human race have encouraged us to search our soul. But this is an extremely difficult undertaking - full of truths, half-truths and illusion,while struggling to tell one from another. When we place a cup into the waterfall of the soul we can only catch what the cup will retain - and it is this that we place in our hearts as belief. This, of course, is the problem. The cup has no connection with our bodies, aside from the hand that holds it and the desire that imbibing the captured water will assuage our thirst. But the cup will take water randomly. It will supply a sample of the waterfalls reality - but not the whole. To truly improve our perception, we would need to strip naked and stand within the waterfall. The initial entrance may make us yelp at the chill as it assaults the body -and we may scamper clear to regain the comfort of being untouched. The cup has no connection with our bodies, aside from the hand that holds it and the desire that imbibing the captured water will assuage our thirst. But the cup will take water randomly. It will supply a sample of the waterfalls reality - but not the whole. To truly improve our perception, we would need to strip naked and stand within the waterfall. The initial entrance may make us yelp at the chill as it assaults the body -and we may scamper clear to regain the comfort of being untouched. Tasting Love The message of the prophets and enlighteners seems clear to me:- USE YOUR SOUL, OR LOSE IT Not in a literal sense, but in a subtle sense. For most of us. Mishu arrived just as I finished the waterfall blurb ..so it was ready to be read out to him when he spoke of his confusion about Marie and what he wants in love. He broke up with Marie a couple of weeks back, but they still seem to be very much a pair. Mishu is unsure about whether the cup Marie represents is formed by his hands or by clay. There is a difference.... Water cupped by your hands is felt by your body. Although you have captured the water it will, nonetheless, gradually seep through the imperfect cup your hands can make. So the water remains vibrant and in need of replenishment. A cup made of clay, however, will hold water completely without flow. The cup of clay seems the most efficient means of slaking thirst. But it is unfelt by the body and it is the clay that controls the water that was allowed to enter. The water itself can flow nowhere. If you disdain the taste of the water you can cast it aside and take another cupfull from the waterfall. But if the water is in your cupped hands you must drink it while it is there - or it will, by its own volition and by your own imperfect cup, seep through to earth and be gone untasted. Mishu Indecision If the taste of the water in your cupped hands is good you would seek to drink as much as you can before the water has drained. As things seem to stand, Marie represents a clay cup patiently waiting for its contents to be drunk by Mishu. But Mishu has drunk and found the water OK - but he wonders whether a fresh cup of water may taste better. He wonders whether he should use his hands as a cup - or whether to simply immerse himself in the waterfall naked and experience its exhilaration. On matters of soul, mind, heart and body? My questioning revealed he could only admit to mind love. The other three do not kick in at full force - at best only moderately. So with Marie away on holiday for two weeks Mishu has the distance he needs to test his emotional will. I would suspect his soul is searching and knows there is a significant soul somewhere - imminently about to cross his path. It may be his restlessness was triggered with me as the catalyst.Because he may detect my soul searching and recognize it as something he should be doing. But I suspect Mishu is a shade annoyed to make the first testers of his search -- only to find me slam bang in the way. I guess it is thus, in a search, that you get answers - within yourself and within others. It is thus, with a search, that you learn the value of patience.... because the answers you perceive are usually misconstrued and tending toward inaccuracy. Only careful analysis can come up with anything resembling the true picture - and even then it is ever changing. Water through cupped hands. Top |
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| Some of my sites: www.buskerbrian.com Homepage Leddrain Contact me Music and lyrics Other buskers Universe Theories Philosophy Blog (Blogspot) Blog (Tripod) Family Photos Genealogy COMPLETE ONLINE JOURNAL SEGMENTS: Lone Wolf Green Busker Tortoise & Hare New Clear Winter Monster in NY Things we must do The online Labyrinth Busker Journal consists of hundreds of pages ranging from busking to a wide variety of topics and articles. If you have a clear idea of what you are looking for, then use the search box (above) to find it. I hope you enjoy the experience of the Labyrinth Busker Journal |
After
the Labyrinth - An introduction to the Busker Diary After the labyrinth This journal takes you onto the streets of Europe. It introduces you to people dismissed by society as its dregs. It introduces you to a nobility within these dregs that surpasses society. I can not explain this journal. 750,000 words. 55 segments that would take me a couple of hours to read per segment [approx.] It covers an astonishing ammount of ground in plot and searching. To read it in its entirety is to be changed on all levels until a complete new overview of life is there to be had. It is descent into the madness of Rimbaud until all senses are deranged. It is to emerge understanding only parts of it, yet seeing the whole as a re-assurance of our immortality. Labyrinth Cataclysm Driven by despair, after the death of my parents, the loss of my job and the collapse of my marriage, I surrendered all and plunged myself, guitar on back, into a one way journey to Belgium. To survive, or not survive. I didn't care. Into the Labyrinth, with a torrent of inner grief at missing the joy of seeing my daughter grow. It was all a bit like joining the French Foreign Legion. To forget - and with the half expectancy to die. The will to live had gone. The journal begins one and a half years on. It concentrates on my life as a busker and a songwriter, but the social observations and experiences fire my creativity...building curiosity about ever widening avenues of questions. Isolating Soul It is an attempt to make a neutral study of the soul.... to isolate it and recognise its actions, or non-action. By analysing the four categories of psyche---mind,body,heart,soul----within situations I encounter---- the journal came to remarkable new ways of assessing relationships and the activity level of the psyche represented by soul. When my neutrality becomes compromised this can also be read as an inadvertent study. If the journal is read in this light, reams of additional observation can be made. The journal obeys one philosophy----move forward. It is this that lends it strength because my writing style, outlook and personality are constantly in flux. Know Thyself? The final analysis of this epic personal self-discovery is that to 'know thyself' is impossible, given the short span of life mortality lends us.... because to look inside any individual is to discover ever more smaller and complicated facets of thought. To best highlight this I suggest you say one word to someone and then try to remember every thought that invaded your mind, on upper and inner levels, during the utterance of that one word. Imagine how much information your body needs to be able to lift one finger, or to draw one breath. Add this to the instinctual assessment of the person you spoke to... plus awareness of others around you and the the flora, fauna and physical world surrounding you. What part did the soul play? If any....? Labyrinth Judgement In essence, I am saying that to explain one moment of a person's life could take an entire book to complete. It would be boring... unless that secret, seemingly irrational element within us... the soul... is aroused by that moment. In the journal there is a constant stream of moments where my soul is aroused by the moment. There is a constant stream of moments where the souls of others are aroused. To finish, here is a question:- Is life [A]...a search for answers? Or [B]... a search for questions? Online Magazine I would like to say welcome and thank you to visitors of this site.I have completed other sites and I urge you to view them by clicking on the links page of this site. Take the journey through the Labyrinth with me. In effect, the journal is that - journalistic. It can be treated as a magazine/newspaper - with articles of variable subject matter. I rely on you to feedback on what journal substance most appeals. Otherwise I must just follow my nose through the masses of journal material and hope you like the result. Whether you want a long story (entire book from journal), short story (selected entries),articles,lyrics or want to hear some of my 'on the road' recordings of my music: go to the Links section - choose - enjoy... About Brian Brian busked the streets and bars of Europe between the years 1994 and 2000. In addition he busked in New York while participating in the TIGHTROPE musical, a play written by Ken Post [ with Bonnie Burns]. The journal exists, at present, as approx. 750,000 hand written words formatted in about 55 segments (five segments are now online)- or as audio read out with musical background [for mood] on audio cassettes, using a Sony cassette-corder TCM-939. Rough, but on the road 'live' feel about it. The journal is potentially commercial, but it awaits presentation clues etc... How did Brian become the distracted Hare racing against the Tortoise? What was born from the death of Lone Wolf? What was the monster that rampaged amongst the inner cities of Brian? What propelled Brian into the Labyrinth in '95? In what way did Brian become Merlin aiding Prince Arthur to extract a sword from a stone? What was the Green Busker looking for? And why? What resulted from Brian using himself as a 'muse'? Why not find out? Top Supermarket Spree - Are we nothing more than organic computers? Why Suffer? 23/03/1996 [A Busker's Journal- extract]. Freeda had trouble understanding the complexities of my 'family' situation. "Why do you let yourself get hurt emotionally?" she asked. I replied, "It is important that I truly feel the beauty and the pain. Not create a shield to deflect it. We all seem to become expert on shielding our emotions. I'm not sure it makes us inwardly richer. It depends a great deal on how you view your life,"......I can imagine people having a full, active life---gaining many possessions and luxuries---but thinking at the end, "I've had a good life, but what's missing?" Organic Computers If we are organic computers with no soul then we have no real cause to concern ourselves greatly with anything except our own gratification. If we are born only to die into oblivion...well...life, itself, is worthless..of no value whatsoever.----A bit like someone being told they have five minutes to fill a supermarket trolley with whatever goods they can get into it. This someone [let's call him Jack] has been assured by the store manager that anything he places within the trolley will be without the charge of a single penny. A true bargain! So Jack races around, placing all the things he would like and things that are expensive [therefore valuable] into his trolley.-----Until he can look at his hoard and smile at the wealth he has attained. Jack Got It All Five minutes are up and Jack trundles all of his wonderful new possessions to the checkout, where the store manager is waiting to greet him....."Well done!" salutes the manager, " You have had a brilliant five minutes and you have accumulated all of these things."......"It was nothing," replied Jack modestly, because it really seemed like something. The manager...smiling all the while...continued," You have all this wealth in the trolley. As promised, you do not have to pay us one single penny."....Knowing this, Jack beamed proudly....."However--" said the store manager, while producing a gun and pointing it at Jack....The expression on Jack's face has time to change from triumph to one of pure horror as the manager fires the gun. Store Restore Pain, astonishment...and then the oblivion of death.----The store manager turns to his assistants, "You may put all of the goods back now. It appears Jack will no longer need them." But if we are souls inhabiting organic computers? ...The whole perspective changes. In such a case we become interacting souls. It is our soul that has the true need. The organic computer will be tuned to its own instinctive and pressing needs...but these will act as a distortion of soul purpose. An organic computer needs food and drink, but food and drink are not important to the basic needs of the soul. A soul would survive the death of the organic computer......The soul seems to feed on emotion--on the situation where temptation, survival and struggle can create, through all adversity,true love. Love By-Products Will the soul surrender to negativity? Will it become resentful, bitter, indifferent, or whatever else, through life experience?......The victory of love is a glorious thing on a world where our organic computer can deny the wishes of its soul. On a world where fear is the most common motivating factor....Let's equate religion with this...Go, Cranky Brian... Most religions would say, "There is only one God." ..But how many actually claim an entity called the 'Devil', as in Christian dogma?--------Why don't we try this analogy:- GOD IS LOVE--DEVIL IS FEAR--the two major emotional forces.....Now, take it this way:- THERE IS ONLY ONE EMOTION---- That emotion is Love.-- Fear is the distorting factor that creates ALL of the by-product sub-emotions of love:- hate,resentment, envy etc. Conflicting Conflict Jack slaps John on the cheek. John offers the other cheek, saying, by such an action, that his body is not the important facet of what he truly is. The soul is the true facet. He would not slap Jack back. If Jack had the same view on things as John then neither would, at any time, deliberately hurt each other.-----But how, then,could they resolve differences? ....With intelligence? Why else do we have reasoning minds? Yet my personal observation of soul purpose is that it does not frown on conflict. It thrives on it. Conflict is a way of working through inner questions....But it should be conflict toward resolution, not malice. Physical force or violence does not deal with problems. Oliver Cromwell, the Ottoman conquest of the Balkans,the persecution of Jews by long gone Christian or Muslim states, have all created modern hotspots where the hatred of communities leaves the outside modern world baffled. Motives Mental manipulation equally does not deal with problems--for the same reasons as just given--especially if the motive is self gratification.The bitter feud and oppressions between employer and union last century in the UK demonstrated that. Don't think that's over..it's not.----Only a true understanding of your own motives AND a pragmatic understanding of the motives of the other person will produce a fair resolution to any difference of opinion. Top Bern Demonstration - this entry shifts subject matter deftly to show the diversity of events and thoughts that make the journal compelling. Farmers Demo in Bern(Oct,1996) Today doesn't look the most promising of days. A demonstration in Bern centre, and persistent mist.But maybe it will come good.-----'Neue Bauern Ko-ordination - Scheiwz'. Placards condemning policy or actions concerning meat imports, BSE and milk. The Bundeshaus is barricaded and the police use tear gas to dispell the demonstrators, who appear to provoke this by throwing apples back. The Migros toilet collects a residue of this gas...enough to water your eyes. Another store in a shopping arcade seems to have got the full tear gas itself inside, as people put clothing over their face.//// On the street big cowbells are everywhere. The biggest horror of all, at least to the Swiss, is the blockage of the tram/bus route through the main drag. Public transport not running on time?///// The distant angst of sirens - a common sound in most capitals, but less frequent here. A blank cloud cover continues to block the sun..and for work [busking], it looks bleak. Stupid Brian I could try Fribourg or Solothurn, but it would be street pitch stuff. No guarantee it would pay off.///I stood for awhile in the Barenplatz viewing the centre of the demonstration. Up shot the tear gas grenades toward me...and people moved away...while I stood there..until the acrid gas reached my lungs and stung my eyes. I was thinking how stupid it is to stand with your guitar on your back in such a place. If the crowd panicked my guitar could get damaged in the crush. My voice may get impaired by the tear gas irritants. Sometimes, my curiosity makes me a very stupid 'Brian'.----The Munster park is almost deserted, as I sit here, and the cool warning of Winter is in the air. The manager of the now severely reduced Munster terrace looks outside, but no one will sit there unless the sun breaks through....Like me, he hopes it will...It looks less likely. Daisy The mist is strong in the Aare valley and the cool air will not heat quickly. The Munster organ plays behind the thick historic walls of its home.----- It can be hoped, I suppose, that this demonstration may finish early, so the farmers can go home to milk 'Daisy'..or chop her up for the meat market. Poor 'Daisy' has no control of her life. She is just there to be used. The only tears she inspires in her users are the ones induced by tear gas. Her only asset is that she can make money..by being herself. Her only problem is she doesn't know or understand the idea or concept of money.---- Is this right or wrong? For all her life she can eat, sleep, have calves and have little expected from her. Except to deliver milk..and, in the ultimate of sacrifice, to give her organic body, against her will, to other organic bodies at the appointed moment of her life. Dodgy Pen Nothing organic lasts for ever. It is not intended so. The young seek to reach as old an age as they can, but eventually they become too old and pass away..with the new young all that is left to this world, until the same situation is reached. A life of any creature on this world is merely a brief excursion.---- It is almost four [pm]. My mind is as sleepy as the weather and this damned pen...let's see if it works now..I don't think..it will,but....then...... I've had to lend one.---I pitched up by the Zytglogge bus stop and did a meandering medley of soft second fret songs. It seemed to click..money was coming in fast.--With my eyes closed I was singing 'Bright Blue Rose'-- I chanced to open my eyes.. and saw Clio standing,staring at me. I stopped the song and went to her. I guess when I give my love I tend to give it all the way. It was a Wednesday - her half day. I was assuming she'd be at work. Prague Booked She asked if I wanted to go to her place. Silly question, really!--- Her meeting with her father had not been wonderful..from her expression.. and she found it hard to go too deeply into it. Except that he was two hours late.----But what cheered her up was having the tickets all bought. The schedule is 08.30, Saturday, we board a train in Bern that will travel direct to Prague, arriving eight pm. Relieved that was settled it was a bonus to have a hug with Clio for awhile. 24/10/96- Not having a pen in the Manora last night I became frustrated, because I could not finish what I wanted to write. I felt equally tired and weary - not feeling much up to playing bars. But I went to Les Amis to see whether I could play there. To me, it seemed a perfect time.. but to these self-important waiters that infest Bern it was not the right time and too busy. But this one said," You can play upstairs in the bar if you like."...I dismissed that, "No! I'm in the mood for restaurants tonight!" Right Times Maybe a musician refusing to take up an offer to play will remind them they are not as important as they think. In addition, if there was a vocal fan of my music in amongst the clientele, the waiter would probably be asked by him/her why the musician, whom they like, did not play. The waiter? "Um..not the right time..and,um...too many people."----If I was one of the clientele I would be outwardly annoyed, and I'd probably say," I would tip you, but I wanted live music, and you turned it away." I walked down the street, seeing one or two promising places, but all too quiet. My mood was falling into deeper depression. It was a cold night - I wanted a shower. I didn't feel 'good' about myself in respect of playing bars/restaurants. You need to show an air of personal confidence and pride. When you feel a bit bedraggled it is harder to do this. Inwardly, anxiety about the imminence of Prague, about my emotional vulnerability to Clio, about my inability to see Rachel, about the pressure to earn money..about my feelings of tiredness and exhaustion from the aftermath of the past few days. That familiar stress around the diaphragm! I didn't want to be alone! ..I wanted to be with Clio! Kiss or Bite I returned to the Hostel, and phoned Clio. It was almost ten pm....Getting late..I almost couldn't make the call, because I would be asking her for a favour - for her emotional comfort, I couldn't be sure she would want to give this...But she agreed I could come to her -and I made my way there..blurting out the inexplainable once I was there. I had a shower and that helped me feel better. I was pleased she understood that I was trying to explain to her about things inside me that were inexplainable. That being on my own increased the anxiety. Just a short period of lying in her arms dissipated this anxiety. Because it could simply be 'Orpheus' losing his grip on me. This is the problem of my present persona 'Orpheus'. Orpheus talks extensively about love, but doesn't ultimately trust it with himself...Now I see I am relinquishing emotional control. In one of our games Clio growls and attacks my throat with a kiss instead of a bite. I lay submissive to the intention of the growl, knowing the growl may lead to a bite one day instead of a kiss. To relinquish Orpheus is to take this action on an emotion level. To truly, submissively, open your heart to a kiss or a bite. Top Cuppalove - What is a Soul Search? Soul Search Is... 21/09/98 ( Bern) It seems to me that those who sought greater enlightenment for the human race have encouraged us to search our soul. But this is an extremely difficult undertaking - full of truths, half-truths and illusion,while struggling to tell one from another. When we place a cup into the waterfall of the soul we can only catch what the cup will retain - and it is this that we place in our hearts as belief. This, of course, is the problem. The cup has no connection with our bodies, aside from the hand that holds it and the desire that imbibing the captured water will assuage our thirst. But the cup will take water randomly. It will supply a sample of the waterfalls reality - but not the whole. To truly improve our perception, we would need to strip naked and stand within the waterfall. The initial entrance may make us yelp at the chill as it assaults the body -and we may scamper clear to regain the comfort of being untouched. The cup has no connection with our bodies, aside from the hand that holds it and the desire that imbibing the captured water will assuage our thirst. But the cup will take water randomly. It will supply a sample of the waterfalls reality - but not the whole. To truly improve our perception, we would need to strip naked and stand within the waterfall. The initial entrance may make us yelp at the chill as it assaults the body -and we may scamper clear to regain the comfort of being untouched. Tasting Love The message of the prophets and enlighteners seems clear to me:- USE YOUR SOUL, OR LOSE IT Not in a literal sense, but in a subtle sense. For most of us. Mishu arrived just as I finished the waterfall blurb ..so it was ready to be read out to him when he spoke of his confusion about Marie and what he wants in love. He broke up with Marie a couple of weeks back, but they still seem to be very much a pair. Mishu is unsure about whether the cup Marie represents is formed by his hands or by clay. There is a difference.... Water cupped by your hands is felt by your body. Although you have captured the water it will, nonetheless, gradually seep through the imperfect cup your hands can make. So the water remains vibrant and in need of replenishment. A cup made of clay, however, will hold water completely without flow. The cup of clay seems the most efficient means of slaking thirst. But it is unfelt by the body and it is the clay that controls the water that was allowed to enter. The water itself can flow nowhere. If you disdain the taste of the water you can cast it aside and take another cupfull from the waterfall. But if the water is in your cupped hands you must drink it while it is there - or it will, by its own volition and by your own imperfect cup, seep through to earth and be gone untasted. Mishu Indecision If the taste of the water in your cupped hands is good you would seek to drink as much as you can before the water has drained. As things seem to stand, Marie represents a clay cup patiently waiting for its contents to be drunk by Mishu. But Mishu has drunk and found the water OK - but he wonders whether a fresh cup of water may taste better. He wonders whether he should use his hands as a cup - or whether to simply immerse himself in the waterfall naked and experience its exhilaration. On matters of soul, mind, heart and body? My questioning revealed he could only admit to mind love. The other three do not kick in at full force - at best only moderately. So with Marie away on holiday for two weeks Mishu has the distance he needs to test his emotional will. I would suspect his soul is searching and knows there is a significant soul somewhere - imminently about to cross his path. It may be his restlessness was triggered with me as the catalyst.Because he may detect my soul searching and recognize it as something he should be doing. But I suspect Mishu is a shade annoyed to make the first testers of his search -- only to find me slam bang in the way. I guess it is thus, in a search, that you get answers - within yourself and within others. It is thus, with a search, that you learn the value of patience.... because the answers you perceive are usually misconstrued and tending toward inaccuracy. Only careful analysis can come up with anything resembling the true picture - and even then it is ever changing. Water through cupped hands. Top |
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